I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize