if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
