I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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