he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
