i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
