I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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