just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
