you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize