he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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