he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
