Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize