Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
