my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
