Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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