I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
