Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
