my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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