I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
