last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
