They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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