new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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