3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
