he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
