If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
