I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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