do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
