I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
