We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
