I'm lost and stupid without you.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
