Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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