Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
