i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
