I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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