Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
