its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
