You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
