the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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