I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
