Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
