I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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