idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
where am i from again
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
