and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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