i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
