idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
