I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
