everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think people are normalizing furries
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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