in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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