its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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