i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
