i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
