So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
