I hate all girls vehemently.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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