She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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