yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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