Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
