2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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