I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
