Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
