worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
