so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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