are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
