There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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