you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
