You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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