I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
