You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
