I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
