you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
