it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
