she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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