i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
