im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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