So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
