I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
