I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
