I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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