ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
