Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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