Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize