Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's never too late to be topless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
