garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
