I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
