the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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