Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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